billboard stars

a few weeks ago a huge billboard went up outside our foreign studies school. emblazoned on it were pictures of all foreign teachers working our teaching charms. extremely embarrassing. this just fuelled the existing theory that us foreigners are here mostly for our "token foreigner status". we are trophies to be used and paraded around. anyway, of all the foreigners i feel like one of the least paraded, because of my semi-asian appearance, which i guess is a small consolation.

the above picture shows jill, a chinese english-speaking assistant at the school, posing in front of the billboard, ready to hand out some flyers advertising the school (again, on the flyers they are pictures of us). you can see andrew and me in the top middle, and top right hand corner of the billboard.

new photos

these sections in my photobucket have been updated recently:

songyuan

out on the town

olympic torch relay practice run

handing out flyers to songyuan parents

the dance of the shirtless fairies...

may 16 '07

saturday night was party night for the foreign teachers at songyuan "waiguo yue xuexiao" (foreign studies college). the actual turnout was smaller than the crew expected, but it was always going to happen - you've always got your pikers. so it was harry (switzerland), tanya and sheila (canada), dell (u.s.), lisa (china) and andy and i that joined forces for the night. we headed to a club called FLS. apparently one of only two nightclubs in good old songyuan city. this was the first time we'd been to a club in china, after being here for about 2 and a half months. on the way to FLS we stopped by at KFC where the canadians and americans bought some nosh which we BYO-ed to the club. yes, a bag of fast food is aparently allowed. the club entrance was located in a seedy back alleyway, complete with rotting open rubbish piles. with a few stares and light-hearted but mockulatory "hello!" greetings from peeps hovering around the door, we walked in with no ID check at all. you don't need a passport to get into their clubs if you're from a foreign country - not like in australia. actually, i don't even recall seeing a bouncer at the door.

so once inside, my first glances around gave me a lasting impression. a heck of a lot of coloured lights on the walls. no designated dancing floor save for the pathways between high glass tables, where people were dancing on the spot. on some of the tables were baskets of popcorn, sunflower seeds and platters of fruit. a few lounges were against the perimeter walls, in front of which more people were dancing on the spot. flashing green laser lights. a stage attached to a catwalk-like extension which jutted out into the nightclubbers' dancing space. on the stage was a dj box and two podiums on either side with one scantily-clad chinese girl perched on each, dancing some funky moves and often utilising the vertical pole behind her for sex-factor. the music playing at the beginning sounded like techno crossed with chinese bubblegum pop. it was pretty catchy and danceable. it didn't take much time for us to get into the dancing. and we were the most animated dancers in the venue. i think the club-owners strategically placed us foreigners in the table nearest to the stage, so everyone could watch us for extra entertainment.

we ordered beers. what came were these gross-tasting light "beers", in cans that looked almost exactly like diet coke. it even tasted like soft drink. unbeknown to andy, he added vodka from his hip flask, thinking it was diet coke. so he ended up pretty off his face after downing his vodka/beer concoction. the canadians and americans got hungry and started gorging on their burgers and wraps right in the middle of the nightclub.

some of the more memorable sights from the FLS experience included lots of men dancing shirtless together (not necessarily young men, nor with toned bodies). men in china are obviously very comfortable with their sexuality and it didn't appear as though any of them were gay. many of the shirtless men tried to dance with tanya, who reciprocated the dancing out of politeness the first few times, but then started to get uncomfortable and tried to phase them out. another funny sight was the many young women unashamedly dancing with their own reflections in the mirrored walls.

halfway through the night a chinese pop-rock band with some quirky-looking characters appeared on stage. they were pretty good. they sang english and chinese songs, including YMCA which was accompanied by gestures only from our foreign contingent at the front of the room. absolutely everyone else stared and absolutely no-one, or so it appeared, knew what the fuck we were flailing our arms about for. at about 12.30, while the night was still young by western standards, the club's population was dwindling. at this stage most of our group was up on the stage dancing with some shirtless chinese men. we decided to call it a night because there was nowhere else to go. and so our first real saturday night out in china, or in songyuan at least, ends at a meager half 12. a little disappointing. but the club experience was fun while it lasted.

i'll put more pics from the clubbing night on my photobucket soon (when i get around to it!)

high school blues

just received my teaching schedule this week. completely over the moon because i only have to teach two days at my high school (known as jiang bei san zhong or the experimental high school) now, and not four like i have been doing. this is because two new foreign teachers arrived here today, to take the load off our backs a bit. dell is from usa and olga is from russia. dell seems like a nice guy, and olga seems cool too, despite the fact i didn't get to speak to her.

ahhh, our high school. there are many reasons why it's a bit of a terror to work there. firstly, the class size. we get shoved with about 50-70 students per class. this is absolutely crazy for people who have no official teaching qualifications, and therefore most likely have no idea how to control a class of this many students.

secondly, a lot of the kids think it's ok to talk in class. without them talking, i already have a hard enough time trying to make my voice carry to the back of a room full of this many people. i feel like i'm on the verge of shouting for 45 minutes (multiplied by 4 classes - consecutive). now, when you have students chatting away, it's almost impossible for the other students, who actually WANT to learn, to hear you. i've tried my hand at getting militant on their asses. it's actually very fun and stress relieving to get angry at the students. the first disciplinary technique is simply shouting, "BE QUIET!" or "STOP TALKING" or "SHUT UP". followed by a spiel explaining how frustrated, angry and disappointed i am to have travelled all the way from australia and to be treated this way. the ones that actually understand this spiel, usually feel guilty about it. but unfortunately, it's only the good, well-behaved students that understand my point. sometimes a good student apologises on behalf of the baddies, which makes me feel pretty shitty. i use this technique when there are many noisy culprits in the room and you can't just target one offender. it sometimes works, but they're usually quiet for only a few minutes, before they start talking agin. you have to repeat yourself again and again to get any worthy results. another good technique is giving evil eyes to the culprits and becoming totally quiet until they stop talking and notice i'm looking at them. this generally scares them shitless, but again the effects only last for a few minutes. the best tactics so far are getting a student to stand up for the rest of the lesson, or to send them out of the class. it's the best way to make an example of them and put them to shame in front of their friends. i've heard of another chinese teacher hitting a student with a book. it sounds enjoyable, but i don't think the headmaster would respond too well to a foreign teacher performing such a violent act on his students. i'm also yet to try slamming down an object on a desk ferociously, to make them jump out of their seats. i will attempt that one, one day when i'm really furious.

the third reason why our high school is arduous, is that the students' english is often not very good. so if i call upon them to answer a question, they usually stand up, look into space uncomfortably for about 30 seconds, then tell me "i'm sorry, i don't know", and then sit down. now this is good when i want to waste time. but when i ask a question to the entire class, a lot of the time i'm faced with dead silence and puzzled looks. very frustrating. these are just a few of the reasons why it sucks to be a foreign teacher at a chinese high school.

it's much better teaching at our small foreign studies college, where class sizes are anywhere between a handful of students (maybe like 4-8), up to 30 at most. plus these students generally WANT to learn, thus don't talk as much and are more attentive.

i must hand it to the high school students though. those kids certainly are troopers. they start school at about 6.20 - 7.00 (i think it varies) in the morning, and go home at about 8.30 or 9pm at night. they attend school monday to saturday - six days a week. AND they get homework on top of this. oh, and sundays is usually spent studying too. where's the day off? no wonder kids are always sleeping in class. i feel so sorry for them sometimes. i knew how hard it was to pay attention in class for 7 hours in primary and high school. the length of the chinese school hours is just goddamn ridiculous. on top of this, i'm sure the school and their parents put huge amounts of pressure on them, especially considering almost all of them are only children. aww bless them. they sure deserve all the success they get in life. they work so damn hard for it.

• you can see more photos of us teaching at the high school here

fair go, china

you'd think that with me being half asian and all, the chinese would make me feel somewhat welcome on their turf. you know, i thought they'd grant me some sort of affinity with them and would treat me as one of their "homies". but instead i think they look at me and think: "there's that bottom of the barrel asian mongrel". yes, racism seems rife in china. but not the type i was expecting. there are some chinese (i say some, because i shouldn't use any generalisations) who are racist against asians. living my whole life so far in australia, a predominantly white anglo country, i've never once felt excluded on account of my ethnicity. the first time i feel racially discrimated against is when i come to china. where nearly everyone is asian. how fucked up is that?

so here's the proof.

favouritism.
bill, our foreign studies headmaster and boss, love love LOVES foreigners. but i don't believe i'm included in his idea of "foreigner". he prefers foreigners that actually LOOK foreign to him. so this is mainly the teachers with blonde, light brown or red hair, and un-asian features. i obviously do not fulfil this archetype. i don't represent the "ideal" foreign teacher image they seek - definitely not the type of face they want on a foreign studies school brochure. bill unequivocally favours these two female canadian teachers with blonde hair, and also of course, andy. andy gets the privilege of less teaching hours most weeks, so i sometimes have to give some of my classes to him, to balance out our working hours. i think if bill had to lay off staff, i, a black-haired foreigner, would be expendable. i would be at the top of his extermination list - and blondies would be last.

underestimation.
the other day, sam, the chinese man who is second-in-charge at our school, asked me for some help in deciphering some words from a CNN audio stream. one of the words was espionage. i told him it was either spying or betraying your country (i couldn't remember which. i later asked andy - treason is the latter). so once he double checked with the chinese translation, he thanked me and said, "ahh, you truly are a foreigner". i was quite offended by this. i interpreted it as: "i didn't think you were a true foreigner because you don't look like one, but now you've proven yourself worthy of foreign-status by telling me the meaning of a hard english word. you've passed the test and have my blessing". seriously, what the hell.

stereotyping.
next situation. andy is training some teachers in english at our high school. he is explaining his and my background.a female teacher pipes up with something along the lines of, "sorry, but i do not think she's australian". ok. so andy just explained i was australian and she doubts his claim. for god sakes, i'm technically more australian than him. i was BORN in australia and have one fair dinkum aussie parent. andy was born in ENGLAND, and has TWO ENGLISH parents. do not for one second doubt my australian-ness, missy. i can be ocker. bloody strewth sheila, you flamin' galah. you wouldn't know aussie if it bit you on yer trackie dacks. you've got buckley's chance of gettin' back into my good esky. look at me trying to prove my australian heritage through pathetic aussie lingo. i should not need to justify such a thing. damn, my looks are such a curse here.

ill-treatment.
dora (from uzbekistan) and lindsay (a former teacher at our school who is hawaiian) were both apparently mistreated at the school. i heard this directly from dora and through word of mouth by the other foreign teachers. this was in large part because dora has central asian-looking features and lindsay was of course hawaiian, which in some cases can be mistaken as asian-looking (i think she maybe also had some chinese heritage, but couldn't speak chinese). dora got paid a very small amount during her first month here, because headmaster bill claimed her standard of living and salary in her home country was a lot lower than china. what bollocks. that should mean diddly-squat, dear bill. i don't know the specifics of what happened to lindsay, but i'm pretty certain she was not regarded as highly as the more western-looking foreigners. and if i wasn't attached to anglo andrew, i think i would be treated the same as these girls.

solid evidence.
the last thing to cap off my racism list is a chinese "culture booklet", that bill recently released to the foreign teachers to inform us about culture and customs here, and what to expect when teaching. one of the tips was:

"Chinese students feel that black people are ugly, and don't have much interest in Africa, Central Asia, or in least developed countries. Racism is strong in China."

well, there you have it.

the soot is clean

a hilarious thing about china is the shocking english emblazoned on products. i would like to share a few shining examples with you.

product: wilubo spray cleaner

slogan: the soot is clean.

comment: i adore this slogan for two reasons. firstly, it's such a punchy and concise phrase. it really hits you between the eyes. secondly, the choice of the word 'soot'. now, they could have used 'dirt', and they could have used 'grime', but no, they opted with 'soot'. i don't think you can get a word that better embodies china's contaminated environment. soot technically refers to the fine particle substances produced during coal and other mining combustion processes. and with all the industrialisation, mining and construction going on around here, it's only appropriate to describe the dust that you feel on your skin and inhale, as soot. this slogan makes me want to spray and wipe my body clean of said soot.

product: supper aciton movie - crime 8 in 1 DVD

mistakes: these mistakes feature on the DVD's menu. take note of these shocking spelling errors - "supper aciton movie", "paly all" and "film selest". and this semi-decipherable sentence - "the tragically heroic story article of the oscar classic movie". the funniest thing though about this DVD is that out of the eight movies featuring on the disc, NONE of them are crime flicks, despite the claim of "crime 8 in 1". the movies are, american beauty (drama/comedy), titanic vol 1 and vol 2 (drama/romance), shakespeare in love (drama/romance), the matrix (sci-fi), as good as it gets (comedy), saving private ryan (war) and the english patient (drama). nope, no sign of crime in that line up. oh, and to cap it all off, they tried to disguise titanic as 2 of the eight movies, by splitting it into 2 parts. so in fact we were only getting 7 movies, despite the claim of 8. those sneaky DVD makers, didn't fool us.

product: rubbish bin saying "artist collection. the dog - pug" (but with a picture of a foxhound)

slogan: tomorrow is waiting for your smile

comment: sorry, but an american foxhound looks nothing like a pug. and HELLO, there are tonnes of pugs in china, they should damn well know what they look like! they ORIGINATED here for chrissakes.

product: orion pie (this wagon wheel-type product, however, more cake-like)

slogan: it's NOW

comment: pure gold

product: these yellow, buttery hot cross bun-type bread rolls

slogan: the breakfast is necessary, the nourishment value is high, the feeling in the mouth is soft, the milk fragrant is rich.

comment: oh, this brought a tear to my eye. the person that wrote this is obviously a poet. while i do agree that breakfast is necessary, and that the product felt soft in my mouth, i cannot say that the nourishment value of this product was all that high. and was the milk fragrant rich? gee... i could give you an answer, if only i knew what it meant.

homesick

it's a sunday, my day off. i'm home pretty much all day, and i have a lot of time to relax and think. i feel quite homesick.

these are the things i'm missing most about home:

• my mum
• my friends - especially andrea, bren, misstey, noz, kate, rhi and "shaxie" or "maun" (shaun+maxie)
• my room
• subiaco
• the happening areas of beaufort street mt lawley
• going out on the town at night (although it was a very irregular occurence during my last months in perth
• maurenos
• shopping in fremantle
• second-hand book stores
• the galleria (oh god, did i just say that?)
• good western food
• the beach
• the fresh air
• the nice, clean, green grass to sit on

as you can see in the above list, western food is also something i'm missing dearly. i'd pay a lot of chinese cash to have any of the following foods delivered to my apartment door right now:

• maccas
• a mediterranean veg pizza from the flying scotsman or that greasy "pizza-by-the-slice" place that's open late in northbridge
• eggs benedict with a crunchy triangular hashbrown from rifos in mt lawley
• good quality sushi
• a moon burger and fries from the moon cafe or burger and fries from alfred's kitchen in guildford
• cookie dough icecream
• a nice big antipasto plate from queens
• a bacon, cream cheese, lettuce and avo bagel from a cafe in the galz
• a proper cafe coffee
• a tender lamb kebab from mykonos in mt lawley
• a quesadilla from that little mexican place in north perth
• a big indian meal with curries, roti, naan - the whole shebang
• my mum's filipino food. especially the pork dishes.

deary me, there's one list saturated in fat.

uzbek and cheese

4th may '07

i went over to dora's (from uzbekistan) place so we could cook dinner together. she taught me how to make her uzbek national dish. it's made of rice (risotto-like) with carrots, onion, tiny green beans (smaller than peas), potatoes, tomatoes, and this wonderful spice which makes the dish taste a little like an indian curry. it took more than 2 hours to make, but it was so worth the wait. the best thing i had tasted in a few months. up until this point we had been eating a hell of a lot of greasy, MSG-ridden chinese dishes, so this hearty, comfort food was a godsend. i'm getting hungry just reminiscing about it.

dora also told me about islam in uzbekistan and china. really fascinating. she told me how she visited a mosque on the other side of the river. she showed me these souveniers from the mosque which were really beautiful. and she gave me an islamic bracelet with an arabic inscription reading "God". so sweet of her.

the next day we were given five blocks of butter and five slabs of cheese. oh my dear god. all my christmases had come at once. cheese and butter is like gold to me here. it's not available in songyuan, only in our province's capital city, changchun. so until today we had to ration it. but now, i could enjoy it freely. we started having cheese everyday. cheese on crackers. cheese and vegemite (andy's mum had sent some over, and i got addicted to it all over again). fried cheese sandwiches (we have no toaster, griller, oven or sandwich maker). microwaved melted cheese on fried bread. actually, i think in the next few weeks i ate more cheese than i ever have in such a short period of time. and no complaints from me (except maybe from my waistline).